First week of final semester of six years of study has gone away, leaving me totally bewildered by the lectures, assignments, presentations and project paper! My head just could not pick up speed as I am not mentally and physically prepared after having so much free times during holidays without thinking even a dust about everything related to my course! I think I need to start my engine now; everybody has pushed a gear while I am just about to insert the key. If you know what I mean here. Oh, how slow I am, pity me! Lately, I almost suffered from fever, A drastic change of weather from winter in Japan to hot sunny Malaysia probably influenced my well-being in a minute, my throat felt a bit uncomfortable like a stone stuck inside my throat, nearly attacked by sore throat then I drank more than 2.0 liter water afterward, took balanced diet by drinking three glasses of soy protein, never miss my lunch and dinner, forced myself to enjoy eating lots of veggies and fruits. Alhamdulillah, now I am feeling much better. Alhamdulilah, so far, I am able to maintain my new lifestyle in full of discipline, I admit I want to lead a healthy life, that's my mission after suffering from acne. It does work in reducing my serious acne! so I keep continuing a good habit I just started.
Recently, I let myself cry a river, sobbed my heart out like there’s no tomorrow. It sounds so horrible, yeah; you can call me crying baby! I hate myself being so weak at the knees; I just couldn’t stand it anymore. There were masses of affairs cramming in my thinking cap, yeah, about my acne, tremendous change of my face really impinge on my emotional in depth. I miss my late sister badly that sometimes I dream about her and I shed tears after I woke up, I swear I saw her face and she’s looking at me. At the same time, I feel so distant from my family, sad of being miles away from my husband and will not see him more than five months; this really tests my inner strengths. It’s a big lie that wife does not need her husband in tough times, tell me whom wife does not need her husband by her side, tell me who? So that I can learn from her. I feel extremely awful thinking about my past sins, I do believe all the difficulties I am coming across is like a kaffarah for me, InsyaAllah. I am facing financial problems, sometimes my parents lend me some money though I never ask for it but they bank in the money without telling me, I felt so embarrassed because I am married! Parents supposed not to give the money to her married daughter but my parents has a great instinct, they know how hard I am standing on my foot all alone without anybody here, and of course they want me to finish my study in time. I cannot stop thinking about my hubby’s difficulties who's still struggling for one more year survival in foreign country without loved ones, Oh God, please look after him for me, please ya Allah.
I should zip my bad mouth now, lately, I grumble too much, I know! Please dear everyone who loves me especially my family members, I know you read my blog, pray for me so that I can go through all these things with ease and calmness. I just want to be a spirited woman again! I really wish to be superbly strong, redha of everything God grants me as I deem, He knows the best for me.
I don’t know what to write here because there’s nothing interesting happens for the time being, I mean I can’t think at all, a sea of deep emotions overcome my rationality in thinking wisely. I should stop bluffing now!
This entry was posted
on 10.1.10
at Sunday, January 10, 2010
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~Pieces of my Heart~
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