Happiness in sadness  

Posted by ainul ilyani in

Yeah, it feels like ages I haven’t care about my blog at all, blame my routines, I have countless of things attacking me at one time! You know, I am now in my final semester of six-years-study, the semester is quite heavy and tones of workloads steal my moment in time, if I make myself busy doing unnecessary things, my psyche is like compelling me to get back to my “working” mode. Regrettably, I remain stagnant, no progress, no action, being ignorant though the project paper keeps haunting me whenever I go; even a ghost knows when to stop bothering humans at times! I am just not in a mood of doing academic stuff; I faced mood swing for a couple of times that I prefer sleeping, sleeping and eating way too much! My pimples are still rooting on my face, making my face skin as its habitat, on and off, and I don’t know when it’s going to end (Comfort me now please). I feel rather weird my mood swing began to happen lately, I guess it was caused by sudden hormonal changes.

Well, I am feeling good despite difficulties come across my journey, (bluffing do heals my sadness, forgive me) I still feel contented and in a very high spirits, I should thanks Dr Aid Abdullah for producing a great book “La Tahzan, Jadilah wanita yang paling bahagia”. After I’d spent a few days to reach the last page with full of enthusiasm, I felt like I am the happiest woman on the top of the world!! I  am not kidding!  I am not saying the book will work to you; it’s all depending on you, sincere when reading do helps improving our intrinsic motivation. That’s what I meant. I always spend my time read at least one motivational book in a month because I want to maintain a sense of motivation inside me, everybody wants to be better and better day by day, don’t tell me you don’t!! If you don’t, it may mean either good or bad, or maybe you are stronger than me that you don’t necessitate those books to be positive, don’t compare yourself to me, I know I am not strong, I know I desperately call for motivational books, I know I am lacking here and there. There’s another book coming next, “Lah Tahzan, Untuk wanita bijak bestari”, not as same as I mentioned earlier, this one is real awesome as it tells me how great being a Muslimah is, Islam put a great honour on Muslimah that most women disregard thus, overlook it. At the same time, I am on my half-way delving into “Chicken soup for the soul: Living your dream” (My favourite series) .

Oh, I am just getting a bit better from bad menstrual pain right now, but I still feel uncomfortable. This month’s period is killing me to death, my legs cramped and I could not even get out from my room for two days, my blood were overflowing that I felt so scared to see my blood coming out from my body without stopping! My friends had to bring the food to my room and peep over my door to see whether I am doing fine or not. I did not know why this time turned out to be so terrible, my brother said because I was so stress which I think I am NOT! Perhaps, my mind could take it, but my body just could not take it, consequently it seemed to affect my body. I do really hope that this pain “clean” my past sins. 

My roommate left me alone, she went out from hostel permanently until we finish our study here to be with her husband, they're renting a house, yeah, the house I had rented previously during my practicum when my hubby came last year for one-month-holiday. I am staying alone in a room. Does it sound pathetic! Why everybody keeps leaving me? Sob Sob. Fortunately, yeah, God granted me with something bigger, my hubby will be back very soon!!!  I'll be renting a homestay right after this one-week-holiday till one-week-holiday in March. Yeah!!

I feel like telling the whole world that my hubby will be arriving  KLIA on this Wednesday. Extremely excited that I cannot wait for the day to come. There's something happened in between, happiness in sadness. He had applied for a few part-time jobs but, well, luck was just not on his side that we feel it's okay,  money is something we can find. We learn one thing, if god gives you millions of dollars, remember that He can easily take it in a split of second! I supposed God made it that way to be a reason for him to come back home to Malaysia and meet his wife. We're in the struggle of coping with challenging path we are leading, we need each other by our side. For the time being, we try to convince ourselves, we will try our best, we just accept whatever comes around and look forward. Thank God we are born as a Muslim, Alhamdulillah, we believe in Qada' and Qadar, that's enough for us to see things clearly and with open heart.

Please Ya Allah, I know it's hard for us, we never know how much strenght we have inside,  We know  that You can take everything from us, but please God, Don't take our iman.

AstaghfiruallahalAzim, Allazi La Illa Hailla Anta,  Subhanakainnikuntuminazzalimin, La Hawla Wala QuwwataIllabillah Hil ALiyyil Azim

Done!

This entry was posted on 8.2.10 at Monday, February 08, 2010 and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

2 comments

those tests and challenges will kep u stronger from time to time..no worries :)

February 9, 2010 at 1:53 AM

read the english la tahzan, my aunt bought it at england for me, its wayyy cool!

February 12, 2010 at 5:49 AM

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