I miss my blog after been a while of paying no heed to the place where I always go to especially when I feel like pouring out my emotions, ideas or whatever nonsense embedded in my mind. I have lots of things at the back of my head; need to let off steam but in no mood to write. Before this, I have told myself to disclose my experiences staying in Japan with my husband; nevertheless, I force myself not to compose anything related until I am totally ready to put in writing. I tell you why, because it may lead my stable state of emotions to most terrible condition- miserably missing my husband as the experiences involved him. I suppose it is better not to refresh the treasured memories if they can only break me down. I am anxious if it appears to be a major stumbling-block to my strength in traversing my practicum all alone. It is true to say there is so much suffering in this world. I really hope my perspective is changing into a kind of more introspective, you know, in the sense of being optimist so that I will not easily give up, give battle! No white flag!
Two days ago, I received the news that I wish I can change; SMK Tunku Ismail is the school where I will be observed by Madam Kway Chui Kim from 19th July till 22th October for my practicum. I am not mentally prepared to face it, yet I must countenance the decision or I will not be graduating as a teacher and just wasting several years of enduring obstacles to reach this stage, seventh semester. How will my life be along the practicum? What if I cannot make it? I know I am almost at the end of the road, all I have to do is just finish the line.
I was truly impressed to see how two batches of my seniors had successfully gone through their six years, at the same time, I really disappointed to see how feeble I am to keep thinking I may not able to come to an end . It is really hard when you start to realize that your strength is getting low, changing to red light to be charged. I feel like losing my inner energy to zero. Perhaps I am tired of being far and alone. Please tell me how can I turn the red light into green.