This entry is written just to flash back the moment Ayla came into my life. I just realized I did not write anything about Ayla’s delivery. Here the story goes, I am not very good in handling the pain, and I can’t imagine how my life would be when I got into the labour room and underwent the struggle that gave me new lease of life. Oh, scary. I guess labour experience is the story that every mommy-to-be wants to know from their mum. I did ask my mum about the process of giving birth to me, my mum mum took forever to reminisce that moment because she has had too many deliveries. 11 times of labour, normal and without any pain relief! My God, can you imagine that, typical orang dulu-dulu yang beranak banyak dengan penuh selamba though she is actually a modern mum. The only thing she could still remember is that I was out when no one was around except my dad who got panicked when he saw my head was about to pop out and then he called out the nurse then, came a black woman to settle down everything. My mum said I was so tiny that I had to be put into incubator till they managed to get me out of it because they said I am an Asian baby whose size smaller than European baby. I was in a perfect condition and out at the right time. That was what my mum told me. I am actually the sixth and I have an elder sister who is one year older than me but she passed away after my mum gave birth to her. She was special if you know what I mean here, my mum told me how grateful she was when she got me, healed her sorrow due to the loss of my late sister. After nine month of pregnant my late sister, Nurul Huda, she left my mum forever. And my mum never got to see how she looked like to adhere to my dad’s request.
I started to feel pain in the evening after Asar prayer when my mum just came back from her holiday in Vietnam. Tengok tu, nenek sempat lagi berjalan tinggal anak pompuan die yang tengah sarat. Rombongan para pengetua sekolah menengah tapi kena bayar sendiri. Never mind mum, I was happy you had fun there though I was a bit heated because you left me with my dad who knocked the door again and again to make sure I was okay. Oh, he was so sweet. The pain was no different to menstrual pain and I was still able to enjoy a few sips of Cendol. The minutes I finished the last few sips, I felt as if everything that got into my esophogus tasted so yuck, it made me want to puke. Yeah, I was sick at the very last days of third trimester. My mum told me to walk around the house to jump-start the process of labour but I refused because I was still waiting for my hubby to arrive in KLIA any time soon. I decided to just lie down, I was afraid I did not get to see him before my labour. I had not seen him for months and I did not want he misses looking the hugest me! I left my hp to my mum and asked my mum to answer my hubby’s call. My hubby was so shocked when he knew I was already in the hospital after she arrived to KLIA.
My parents brought me to the nearest private hospital but I asked my dad to send me to government hospital so that I can use my GL and get a free treatment. If only I knew the condition of the hospital and the cold treatment from the nurses, I would change my mind but it was too late as I was too weak to move and even to walk. So, I stayed in the non- air conditioner hospital where everything should be done on your own, and no spoon or fork provided to eat the meal, and no one even care to push a wheelchair for me when I was not able to walk, husband was not allowed to be by my side in the labour room, no one can be by my side to calm me down. I really needed somebody to be by my side at that very critical time, not the fierce looking nurses strolling around the ward and kept screaming like Tarzan. It made my pain felt even more intolerable. What to expect when you choose to get a free treatment. Good service comes with money. That was my choice so I have to accept it.
The pain was getting excruciating and it was only 1 cm dilation after the whole night pain. The blood stains was everywhere in the white bed sheet. My mum told me to bite a cloth every time the pain attacked me. I drank Air Zam Zam and ate some dates because I puked when I ate rice. The nurse stared at me and said,
” Hey, awak minum air jampi ke?”.
I said no. That was the only thing that my tummy could tolerate. It was the scariest night I have ever had in my life. I was among a great number of pregnant women who were waiting for their turn. I could hear countless screams from women who were struggling to push their baby out.
Too many hands checking the dilation, I was still struggle with contractions when they shoved their hands. Thank God only female doctors were on duty during my labour. I have to go to and fro between labour room and my bed by walking. I stopped every few steps and leaned against the wall with many nurses did not even look at me, ignored me, maybe because they were too busy with loads of patients but I still consider it as discourteous. I did not ask for first class treatment, I just hoped that one of them would hold me and lead me to my bed, I really needed help. At that time, none of my family members were allowed to accompany me except during visiting hours. Urgh. Thank God, my bed was just by the window. My hubby stood outside the window the whole night, held my hands every time contractions was killing me. My mum came and held my hands too. It was a huge relief. A few hours later, the nurse put an enema to make me poop. And I rushed to the toilet right at that moment; nothing came out as my tummy was empty and all the digested food was out through vomiting. I broke down. I took an ounce of strength to walk back to my bed. The sleepless and painful night finally went by, my mum came early in the morning, told me to hold the pain by reciting Laillahaillallah, and I wept when I held my mum’s hands. That was the moment I realized how strong my mum is, how priceless her sacrifice to bring me into this world and raise me up, she is truly a great woman. I shed tears looking at my mum. My mum said ,
”mak tau, sakit kan ani, sakit macam rase pinggang nak cabut”
My mum massaged me softly; I nodded with tears on my cheeks. My mum said, “ani kembang darah, kembang darah orang cakap sakit”.
My water bag was still in perfect condition; only stains of blood came out. Then, the nurse asked my mum to get out because it was not visiting time, my mum broke the rules, she sneaked into my bed. My mum left me with heavy heart and a few minutes later, my mum stood by the window outside. She kept an eye on me. Till I could not stand the pain any more, I decided to walk into the labour room myself, nurse passed by me every time I called them to help me out. I tried to stand up but I could not walk any more. I stood up and I sat down, I did it times without number and I was still not able to walk. The contractions were starting to stop me in my tracks a bit. It felt like my legs were numb and my baby’s head was stuck in the middle. The nurses were standing just near to me and were observing other patients. My mum scolded the nurse as she peeped through the window, “Hey, die dah tak boleh jalan dah ni”. Then, the nurse got me a wheelchair.
The dilation was already 7 cm, the nurse broke my water bag. I felt like pooping. The nurse told me to start pushing at about ten in the morning, that means I had to wait for three hours before I could push and I was like what? I really felt like pushing, it was uncontrollable. I pushed my baby out in silence. I asked the nurse to call my hubby. She gave me no response. I looked at the clock, the contraction became 5 minutes interval and I knew the time was near. Then, I told the nurse, I could not stand the pain anymore, she saw baby’s head was about to pop out and in a minute; there came doctor trainees and a number of nurses, they asked me to push real hard. It happened too fast Within minutes, after about 3 or 4 times of pushing, Ayla popped up and she cried out very loud. We cried together.
She was so beautiful. The whole process was very smooth Alhamdulillah. The contraction only lasted for a day, Alhamdulillah. She entered the world on 27th March 2011 on my due date on the dot, Alhamdulillah. Nurse brought her out to clean her up. I could hear her loud voice while having some stitches on my tear. The nurse came back and said,”kuat nye suara anak awak, nah, susukan die”. She laid down on my boobs, she slowly kept quiet and enjoyed the rhythms of my heart beats, she got her first food and slept tightly in my arms. It was the beautiful moment. It was true that mother’s milk is a potion of love that your baby will get drunk. Ha ha. And addicted. She breastfeed every hour non-stop since that day.
The first day after the labour, I had to stay at the hospital for a night. I was not only looking after my baby, but I was also looking after two women near to my bed as they seemed so weak and the nurse did not come to help us doing simple things. I did everything on my own, change my baby’s diaper went to the toilet about 500 metres away from my bed with fresh stitches, took bath and did everything on my own. I was fit enough to do everything without anyone’s help, Alhamdulillah. I have to.. as none of my family members were allowed to take care of me. I don’t know why.
Actually, I felt all alone all along the process that I wish I can have somebody by my side during my critical time. I was not satisfied with the way the nurses treated the patients, that I almost made a decision to lodge a complaint. I didn't, I still have empathy. I tried to understand their situation that maybe they were too busy treating too many patients with minimal amenities. I could not forget there were a few patients were scolded by the nurse, I pity those girls who were still in pain. Kesian sangat2. This is the reason why I save every penny now because I do not want to be all alone for my second delivery later on, In sha Allah.
I pray that my sunshine will shine everybody’s life with love and smiles and will have a bright future ahead. I love you my sun shine. Ayla, you will always be my sunshine. Thinking about my second delivery, I am in a bundle of nerves. I just pray that everything goes smoothly.