I have not done any scan yet, the last time I did was when my fetus was only 6 weeks and now I am already around 13 weeks. It’s not that I am not as excited as I was pregnant with my first but I was haunted by previous experience that I keep on postponing of making a book for pregnancy check-ups. I hate the part where I have to lend my hands and let a big needle penetrates deep into my vein and sucks out my red blood. Urgh. I always got a compliment from doctors and nurses for having an obvious green veins in my hands that the first jabbing is always a successful one, the jabbing is so fast, smooth and easy. The problem for the time being is that it will be tough since my morning sickness still not subside because I will puke after looking at a large amount of my blood in a tube. I am type of person who is really afraid of blood. The reason why I never wish to be a nurse, a doctor or any kind of work which require me to see blood. Besides, I am not qualified pun! Ha Ha. I'll do my check-up later. Next week maybe.
Recently I accidentally nudged my Ayla on her lips and waaaargh! it cracked with blood. I screamed out, feeling so guilty and sorry. It happened when I was lying down in my bed, then raised my hands a bit trying to adjust my position to get myself comfortable, Ayla jumped over me right at that time because she could not wait for her milk and PAK! Her face met my elbow and she clammed up before she cried a bloody murder. Then I saw blood on her lips, Wargh. I cried too. She is nipping with tears in her eyes afterwards, sob sob. Sangat tragis.
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Ayla is going to reach 2 years old. She is now a big girl. I have been telling her times without number that we are going to have a cute baby and will live as one family happily ever after; she just looks at me in the eyes when I tell her so. I also tell her that she has to stop breastfeeding soon or later. She still asks for it anyway. And God knows how painful it is when she bites my milk tank, and sucks it. I read that the pain is normal due to hormone changes. Now I realize the challenges of weaning off is definitely tough for a toddler who is not ready for it.
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I feel sorry for Ayla that she’s still not going to school and get proper education for her age, with irresistible exposure of screen at home, and lack of activities that good for her literacy, motor skills and so on. I know I should do something. I want to do activities at home, but working mum with morning sickness seems to fight a losing battle. I am not giving up! I will find ways Insha Allah.
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