Dilemma  

Posted by ainul ilyani in , ,

Somewhere in the world there is an epigram for every dilemma by Hendrik Willem Van Loon


Latterly, I am in the hot seats thinking about my life with my other half is not yet settling down whereby more or less, it slightly impinges on our future planning. I used all my forces to be grateful. We reckon with hard times that really tense us up. Though, I crystal-clear realize that starting a new life is absolutely emotionally and physically draining that I should be mentally-prepared earlier, I fail to not be in the doldrums, well, I have been in out of spirits ever since we were married and distance kept us apart. No matter what happens, I still keep moving on, that’s a fact of life though moving is one of the hardest things I will ever do when I am under pressure and yes, moving into a new life is even tougher, totally not a plain sailing. To be optimist, I should say it would be exciting to get into a new life, why don’t I let the chips fall where they may,  and stop grumbling all the time. Everybody may have experience the same thing, but why do they look okay, I look miserable instead! It’s not a good sign so I need to undergo retrospection session and start to count myriad of blessings……

Now, in order to teach myself to get rid of ungrateful feeling, it's a good idea to point out the things God made them come true that I should be thankful.

Recently, my application to be posted to any school around Selangor was well accepted. Another good news, getting a place in SMKA is like a bonus to me. I received the information a bit late than my colleagues as my school in under different department, meaning to say, it has its own department to manage new teachers settlement who are working under SABK (Sekolah Agama Bantuan Kerajaan) and SMKA (Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Agama), that was the main reason why my name is not included in Jabatan Pendidikan Selangor because the management is not done under one roof, staff there told me that. It bothered me a bit though, moved me into curiosity so I called the person in charge a couple of times, and he convinced me that I really got Selangor though my name was not included in the list of new teachers of Jabatan Pendidikan Negeri Selangor

Be grateful Ani!

Lately, my hubby was offered by his lecturer to further his master’s degree under his supervision, that means he already got a place for his master; however, he needs scholarship so he has to put an extra effort to get a scholarship for the fees. At the same time, he was offered a position as an engineer in Malaysia but he had to refuse the job as the company is located in Kedah. Of course, if he comes back to Malaysia, we do not want to be separated anymore. Furthermore, there are other companies around Selangor and KL offering the same jobs. My other half has actually attained a place in the sun and his prospect look good, Alhamdulillah, and yes, the same goes to me. 

Be grateful Ani!

Now we are wrestling with dilemma, if my husband furthers his study, it means that we will not be staying together for two more years which is really hard for us to grapple with long-distance relationship. I was thinking to follow him to reside in Japan but it is just a pipe dream as I have contract! And I am not established as a teacher yet to get ‘Holiday without salary”. We pine for kids, we want to have our own home regardless how big or small it is, we want to feel what home is like, and we know we have to settle down first. We are still weighing pro cons of our forecast before coming up with final decision and sticking it out. He frequently says to me, be grateful as half a loaf is better than none. Man proposes, God disposes- our destiny depends on God’s will.

Be grateful Ani! 

P/s : I need to repeat "be grateful Ani" again and again to motivate me, so ignore it in case it seems to be irritating an annoying while you are reading this  post. All right?



09.07.2010

This entry was posted on 9.7.10 at Friday, July 09, 2010 and is filed under , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

2 comments

i too constantly hafta repeat be grateful because indeed i am very much living life comfortably except i wanna get marry and find job satisfaction, hehe :p

but yes, life has been good and if we put our lives into perspectives then InsyaAllah it will be so much better because we always need to remind ourselves to look to the lesser people not the people who have more~

Congratulations ani for getting the state of your choice and an ideal school and pray hard and pray well for the best choice because it doesn't necessarily hafta be the RIGHT one...i know it sounds cliche but cliche are true phrases so just hang in there and solat istikharah, never stop asking for guidance because indeed, after the storm, the rainbow will finally come, InsyaAllah ;)

July 9, 2010 at 8:01 AM

thanks kak maddy ;), u alwys got motivational words to say to a cry-baby like me, oh, I wish I can be as motivated as u!

I am just afraid if I forget all the good things and be an ungrateful one ;(.

n thanks for congratulating me ;).hope u r doing fine there...

July 10, 2010 at 10:14 PM

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